He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
