So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
