I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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