don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
