I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
