I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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