maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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