Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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