I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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