found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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