Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
