Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
