Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
