she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
