You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
