Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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