so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
