You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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