erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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