A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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