You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
