I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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