Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
is that a dick in a sweater?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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