at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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