You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
