Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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