hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
