his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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