he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
