So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
