I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
