I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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