I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i now understand why vodka
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