I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
