You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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