Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
