Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize