wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
