I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
