Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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