we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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