its not stalking. its research.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
