end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
