hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Two words: blizzard sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
