YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
