I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
