I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
