That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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