if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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