The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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