So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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