Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
