That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
