Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize