I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
