dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
