K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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