My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
