He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
