There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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