don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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