He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
