you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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