Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
