So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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