Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
