shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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