if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
