so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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