My hand turned me down
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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