That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
