She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
