You work out of a Hotel?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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