ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
