i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
