so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
