I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
