My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
