He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
