He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come back. Shots need mouths.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
