Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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