I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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