Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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