and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He kissed a someone with a penis
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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