I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
