We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
