HIV tests are more positive than that guy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
