Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
