I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
