She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
