Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
