Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
