THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
