You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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