It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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