sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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