this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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